Different people deal with the complexities of romantic relationships in different ways. They test their partner with spilled sauce, for example, or ask about a woodpecker. They also reminisce about the good times, or try to speak their love language (there are apparently seven of them these days, if they even exist).

But there's also a set of more tangible skills, collectively known as "romantic competence," that, when properly developed, can serve as tools for building healthy relationships. Joanne Davila, Ph.D., a professor of clinical psychology at Stony Brook University, and her team of researchers coined the term in 2009, and the approach has since gained popularity. Here's what you need to know about the basics of romantic competence, how to develop the skills you need, and why it's important.

Simply put, “romantic competence” refers to the ability to engage in healthy, committed intimate love relationships, says Carla Marie Manly, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist who focuses on relationships and the author of the forthcoming book The Joy of Imperfect Love: The Art of Creating Healthy, Securely Attached Relationships (March 4, 2024).

“At a fundamental level, the components of romantic competence include the capacity for self-reflection, interdependence, and emotional regulation,” she says. “However, in my clinical practice, I have found that strong romantic competence also requires well-developed skills in emotional intelligence, connecting communication, healthy conflict management, and relationship maintenance skills.”