Most first dates are less about trying to spark a connection and more about getting a feel for who someone is. Whether it’s your first date or you’re feeling stuck in the early stages of a new relationship, here are the best tips and tricks for getting past the small talk so you can both come out of your shells.

Unless you know the person beforehand, the first date is usually a simple “make sure you’re not a serial killer” hookup. Or as Harris O’Malley (AKA Dr. Nerdlove), author of When It Clicks: The Guide to Mastering Online Dating, calls it, the “pre-date date.” You simply want to see if the other person is who they say they are and test the waters to see if there’s anything between the two of you. But it’s hard to know that if no one is willing to connect and tell you anything about themselves. To truly spark romance, you have to drop the mask and cut through the superficial.

Breaking the ice is a lot easier when you know you don’t have to stretch things out over an entire day or evening. If this is your first time meeting in person, it’s not a bad idea to keep your first date short and sweet. Match.com’s dating blog suggests that setting a time limit for your date in advance can help you (and your date) relax and open up, knowing that there’s no huge time commitment for the evening. Setting a loose time limit also opens up the opportunity for a few other things:

It gives you the chance to end the date on a high note, whenever that may be.