Early in my career, I had an interaction with a boss that I now regret. She started by saying, “I want to give you some feedback on your work.” With a list in front of her, she began to describe all the things she thought I was doing poorly. She made little eye contact and had a blank tone. As she spoke, my heart was pounding and I started to sweat. I was angry.

The first three were tasks that I was not responsible for; my coworker was responsible for those tasks. The rest of the feedback was unexpected because it was about results that others had said were high quality. I had worked for her for almost a year and she had never once indicated that I was doing anything wrong. Not only did I feel dumped, but half of it was flat out wrong. Although I corrected her on the things that were wrong, I remained silent about the other things. I left the meeting angry and feeling dejected. I decided she was a bad boss, held a grudge, and left shortly thereafter to pursue full-time graduate school.

I could definitely blame my manager. Her approach to giving feedback was terrible. What I’ve learned since then, however, is that we can’t control our bosses’ abilities. We can only control our response to them. Plus, bosses make mistakes, they’re not perfect. My biggest regret is not sticking around to talk about it. I didn’t stand up for myself because I didn’t know how. Instead, I acted on impulse. Speaking up when you receive inaccurate or unfair feedback is a skill that anyone can develop. I did, and so can you. Here are a few tips.

Often, the first reaction to feedback is to agree or disagree. Don’t do either. Instead, say thank you, even if it’s unfair or inaccurate. Most bosses find it uncomfortable to give feedback and may fear your reaction. Saying thank you helps to neutralize emotions for both of you. It also shows a willingness to listen, which shows maturity and professionalism. It can sound like, “Thank you for bringing this to my attention.”